| Insight |
[18 Nov 2009|07:37pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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Don points at me. "You should listen to him because he’s short. Short people have bigger brains." Sometimes I think that for a man with schizophrenia, Don exudes great insight on occasion.
Roffman JL. Eight Ball. Am J Psychiatry 2008; 165:956-957
http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/full/165/8/956
i don't know why but i love this story.
To my pleasant surprise, a game of eight ball has diffused the alienating, controlled chaos that I felt as a new student on the psychosis ward, like a prism to white light. How strange and marvelous and sad it is, to discover such familiar dreams and aspirations, refracted across a rickety pool table.
a timely reminder that they're human after all. i'll never really be comfortable doing psychiatry, psychotic patients still scare the crap out of me, and alot of times, i still don't know what to say when patients ask me if i understand, or if i believe them. but i'm in a much more comfortable place than the 1st week i spent in stratheden hospital.
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| psychiatry at st john's |
[30 Oct 2009|10:11am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
survived 2 weeks at st john's doing liaison psychiatry. everyone says accom here is horrible, i actually liked it. slept so well here. i thought i would be alone here but managed to meet yen bee who knows this senior john who has a car...haha. and wai ming works here too! i'd totally forgotten he's a medic. and ivy ended up here as well for GP. so all in all, it's been a good 2 weeks.
dr aditya, my consultant, is amazingly clever but so very nice. he's like a nice bean! he told me to have fun these 2 weeks, which is what i did. saw loads of suicide patients, cosmetic surgery patients, body dysmorphic disorder, alcohol/drug addicts, dementia. i love how dr addy can really understand how his patients think!! wonder if it's some kind of gift you're born with or just experience. the fy1, natalie, is so nice as well. she let me tail her uselessly these 2 weeks.
the travelling is an absolute pain though. groan. i've tried every single mode of transport. even taxi haha. couple that with the fact that the sun sets at like 4.30pm now. and the rain.
AND I LOST MY EARMUFFS. in the mad rush to get home yday in the rain with my heavy luggage.
james has gone off for his elective. well not yet, but he's gone to leeds. had his bday/farewell party at bar napoli last night. cell dinner today. ben/pp's bday tomorrow. jon's bday on sunday. playing during evening service on sunday. promised sarah and sam i would meet up with them. need to catch up and pray with jo. monday off to cupar.
walau no time to breathe also. =( i am so tired.
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| 15malaysia |
[26 Aug 2009|07:08pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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music |
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Amazing Grace - Chris Tomlin |
] |
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| obstetrics and gynaecology |
[18 Aug 2009|07:22pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
] |
this is day 2 of o&g. and all i can think about is how much i hate it. yes, already. to be fair, i never had a very good impression of it in the first place. but seriously, day 1, i got my timetable and it's packed to the brim-est. like crazy packed. plus all this rubbish of being in labour ward for 12 hours...and night shifts! and having to go all the way to haddington for 2 days by 8.30am (when other ppl get to be in tollcross...what kind of evil twist of fate is this?)
have been to 3 clinics where i have seen a total of maybe 10 patients. everything's so slow, there's so much waiting around, i keep getting shuttled between consultant, registrar, midwife. there's hardly any teaching at all (besides the extremely nice ST2 this afternoon). in fact, the doctors don't do anything except type in their notes into the comp and complain about the system. it is such a complete waste of time.
i'd even rather do urology again. i can't believe i have 6 weeks of this. moanmoanmoan. and how am i supposed to study everything within these 6 weeks?? it's madness. i so can't be bothered.
what i hate most is people telling me how much they love o&g. and how they get to do stuff in clinics. and how nice everyone is. blah blah blah.
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| what i learnt this week |
[16 Aug 2009|08:54pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
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music |
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Beautiful Disaster - Kelly Clarkson |
] |
i've been scribbled into His plan.
God doesn't erase memories of the past...He leaves the scars, because they're a mark of His healing.
I'm Yours (Jason Mraz) is super hard to sing. and incredibly addictive.
CW: when you're with a girl, you can't talk about another girl wan. if you say, "*** is number 1 material", you have to say, "yunyi is also number 1 material...in fact, she is number 1 plus 1..."
G: that's number 2.
TJ: i've bought you as my pet...hahahhaha
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| ungratefulness |
[07 Aug 2009|10:26am] |
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music |
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He's All I Need - Lincoln Brewster |
] |
you know what really pisses me off? it's when you take an hour of your precious time to help someone in something that doesn't benefit you in any way and it's something that the person can do himself and it's not like you can do it extraordinarily well anyway because it's just something simple and in the end, it's not even your choice to make or action to take...and then the person just drops back off the radar without even a simple thankyou reply.
it's not like i have nothing better to do, you know. and it's not that i mind helping a friend, is it just so hard to be grateful?
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| home for summer |
[02 Jun 2009|09:38am] |
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mood |
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lazy |
] |
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music |
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Hillsong - Healer |
] |
arrived home on sun evening, ate abit of roti canai (as much as i could eat in all my flying-induced nausea), showered, went out for a good dinner, youtubed britain's got talent final, gasped and gushed over Diversity (honestly the choreography is AMAZING), slept at 12, woke up at 4.30am =.="
next day, tried to run abit but realised i'm so unfit it's not even funny, played my darling piano and guitar, watched tv, youtubed whose line is it anyway with my bro and laughed until my stomach and throat were sore, played abit of pingpong, watched america's next top model, read reader's digest.
life is good.
downloading heroes now. in preparation for redang trip. glee.
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| IT IS OVER |
[29 May 2009|10:51am] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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Ever the Same - Rob Thomas |
] |
YES YES YESYESYESYES!!! i cannot believe i'm done with 3rd year!! this is crazy scary man. but thank God it went okay. osce was SO HARD man...everyone just came out shaking their heads...osca wasn't as bad as i thought it would be...i actually had like 30 mins to spare at then end...which is so different from everyone saying they had to do pharmacology in 30 secs. definitely feel more confident abt it than the osce. my only complaint is that there was hardly any cardio at all!! and so so much MSK (and GI apparently, but i didn't realise)! lucky i looked through all the pathology pics and vertical themes man...btw the apple core lesion picture was the most satisfying barium enema pic i've seen. it just looked completely like an apple core. brilliant.
but enough exam ramblings, it's done! slept at like 3smth last night/this morning cuz got dragged out to have coffee with the 2nd years (3rd years to be...gasp!) and then came home and disturbed james as he was finishing up his ssc4 report.
what i need to do today:
1. pack up my room cuz the silly accom manager decided to repaint my flat. so have to remove everything from the walls. was taking down all my cards and photos yday...felt a twang of sadness as tho i were actually moving out. -.-"
2. prepare bible study
3. pack my bags to go home
4. meet up with ivy and jo
5. lunch with cheewei
6. discuss wedding with ricky & chunxiao
7. decide what i'm going to do with all the groceries i have in the fridge. darn. should've eaten at home yday.
bring on summer!! don't know to be happy or sad that it's only 4 weeks =(
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| spider! |
[23 May 2009|10:59am] |
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mood |
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 scared |
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i just spent about 20 mins staring at this spider in my room, trying to pluck up the courage to kill it. i even had a book in my hand and tissue in the other, but i just couldn't. i'm dead scared of spiders. and this was a big one. and it was hovering near where i wanted to hang my laundry. and i needed to hang my laundry.
so in the end, i woke james up (oops) and he kindly got out of bed to kill it for me. i was so scared, my voice was shaking. he on the other hand calmly commented on the size of the spider, wondered at why my room had spiders when his didn't, and gave a commentary as he set about catching it:
"eh it's running away...maybe if it bites me, i'll become spiderman..."
and proceeded to sing the spiderman song. while i was having palpitations.
thank God for guy flatmates!
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| Grace |
[16 May 2009|10:31am] |
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mood |
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grateful |
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this has to be one of the most beautiful songs ever written. it's like the story of my life. and liyenn's. =)
My heart is so proud. My mind is so unfocused.
I see the things You do through me as great things I have done.
And now You gently break me, then lovingly You take me
and hold me as my Father
and mould me as my Maker.
Chorus:
I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abound?"
And you answer: "My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face,
You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace."
At times I may grow weak and feel a bit discouraged,
knowing that someone, somewhere could do a better job.
For who am I to serve You?
I know I don't deserve You.
And that's the part that burns in my heart
and keeps me hanging on.
As I walk with You, I'm learning what Your grace really means.
The price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary.
So, instead of trying to repay You,
I'm learning to simply obey You
by giving up my life to You
For all that You've given to me.
Laura Story - Grace
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| Lead Us Back |
[02 May 2009|09:31am] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
] |
Falling down upon our knees
Sharing now in common shame
We have sought security
Not the cross that bears Your name
Fences guard our hearts and homes
Comfort sings a siren tune
We’re a valley of dry bones
Lead us back to life in You
Lord we fall upon our knees
We have shunned the weak and poor
Worshipped beauty, courted kings
And the things their gold affords
Prayed for those we’d like to know
Favor sings a siren tune
We’ve become a talent show
Lead us back to life in You
You have caused the blind to see
We have blinded him again
With our man-made laws and creeds
Eager, ready to condemn
Now we plead before Your throne
Power sings a siren tune
We’ve been throwing heavy stones
Lead us back to life in You
sometimes you just need a song to open your eyes.
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| cardiac surgery |
[16 Apr 2009|09:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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contemplative |
] |
this morning, i watched an aortic valve replacement + CABG. what really struck me in the middle of it was how much power doctors have. by flushing the heart with potassium, you can make it go into ventricular fibrillation...and then asystole...pausing it in diastole while you fix it. you basically kill the patient in an attempt to heal. i suddenly felt so small...who am i that i have the privilege to hold people's lives in my hands?
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| Easter thoughts |
[12 Apr 2009|10:51pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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You - Hillsong United |
] |
It's the end of Easter holidays. And I feel a sudden urge to pen down my thoughts. I've experienced so much over the past 2 weeks, it's such a waste if all becomes lost in my unreliable memory.
Amazing Grace is a beautiful hymn. I never liked it much compared to the Chris Tomlin 'My Chains are Gone' version. But somehow on that Friday of the PCCF outreach, after watching the Amazing Grace movie, and watching the Easter video properly eventhough I'd spent the previous day editing it, and listening to Sing Yang talk about the Declaration of Independence (life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness), the words of the hymn suddenly touched me so so deeply. His grace indeed surpasses all; it's amazing how something so beautiful can be so simple.
Oxford trip was so fun, full of quotable quotes. I need to flash. Haemorrhoids. Ok go straight. Pictionary and the spider pig/television, batman, mummy, tennis racket/microphone. Jaw-dropping moments like when we lost the punt stick. And we got off the wrong station and had to wait 1.5 hours for the connecting train. And running for the train...twice! What an experience. Lawster and pangster.
Our God Reigns is a song that gives me the bejeebies. Singing only the refrain at church, I never knew the whole song is one of such desperation, so melancholic, so sad, so broken. But somehow, knowing the entire song makes me appreciate the words of the refrain. Though our world is broken, full of war and death and illness, our God still reigns, His kingdom reigns forever. I can't explain it. But it's so beautiful.
The world is tiny. I randomly decided to follow Charis and Clara to the Logos Hope (feeling vaguely guilty cuz I refused to go with the rest several days back), and joined them for lunch with a Malaysian volunteer on the ship, not knowing the person. Turns out she's from Taiping, from the same church as my cousins, and my uncle & aunt have known her since before she was born.
Saturday was an absolutely fulfilling but so tiring day. Spent the afternoon on Princes Street involved in outreach with my church. First time experience. I cannot believe that I actually went up and talked to strangers even if I didn't say anything whatsoever about church. And then cooked dinner for Su Ying. I think she found it more surreal than me cuz she's never ever seen me cook before.
Today's morning service was AMAZING. Everyone was just geared up for worship, the atmosphere was ALIVE. It was the best time I'd had playing for a long long time! People were really singing and dancing...even the evening service was quite lively though there were only like 20 people. It's times like these I'm really so so happy to be part of my church band. People tell me I play well, and I don't think anything of it. We don't even practise that much...it's just that everyone else in the team makes it so easy for me to follow, and so I do just that. It's nice to know I fit in.
Of course, what is Easter without thoughts about Jesus? I think Pastor Paul got it right when he said, "Imagine the creator of the galaxies...making a chair with a piece of wood and a chisel and nails...the One outside of time and space confined to an awkward human body." Such humility, such love.
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| the various escapades |
[29 Aug 2008|10:24am] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
] |
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music |
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The Anthem - Planetshakers |
] |
it's been awhile so i'll update before the month is out. so what has the idle me been doing at home?
1. LASIK. hahah i now have (almost) perfect vision! it's brilliant. i was so scared actually. cuz dad spent the previous night talking about haloes and glares and double vision. but in the end he was encouraging me to go for it after the opthalmologist assured us the complications were rare. so i did it. it was really quick and painless, only uncomfortable when they taped my eyelids open and stuffed this thingy into my eye to keep it open. the procedure itself is quite gross to describe, so i'll refrain. nuff said that the part where the doc lifted my cornea flap was extremely strange. the pain after the anaesthetic wore off however was extremely annoying. my eyes kept tearing and stinging...and i couldn't actually see clearly and everything was so bright...so i couldn't watch tv or read or do anything to distract myself. but after a few hours, no more pain, and the next few days, vision gradually improved. so glad i did it...no more contacts!! hahah! =)
2. olympics saw me sitting at the tv for hours on end. no. 1 on my watch list was of course gymnastics. actually not really, i spent most of my time watching the highlights, which in my opinion gives a quick overview of everything, shows the best bits of the match/competition, so no time wasted. but i did watch plenty of gymnastics - i liked the commentators, for once i knew what was going on in artistic and why someone scored what. rhythmic of course is amazing, the team event is amazing. synchronised swimming equally amazing. watched some athletics - usain bolt! and the pole vault woman! and the botched relay qualifiers! and i watched swimming - haha i loved the men's 4x100m freestyle relay...jason lezak rocks. but of course, michael phelps is the ultimate. i did watch the lee chong wei final in case anyone accuses me of being unpatriotic...it was quite sickening to see him being thrashed. but oh well silver better than nothing.
3. watched plenty of movies as well. finished house season 4...so sad the finale. what movies worth mentioning? sweeney todd is so so gross. but the music is so addictive...johannnaaaa... haha. juno is amazing! it's such a simple movie but the lead is so good. can't believe she's 20. and there's this short irish film called 'once'...it has the nicest soundtrack, and the story itself is so bittersweet. i rewatched 'spirited away', it's strange how when i watched shows as a kid, i didn't quite understand the plots and stuff...watching it again, it made me so sad. i'm now obsessed with the song 'one summer's day'. 'howl's moving castle' is pretty good as well even if it deviated from the book a lot - made me reread the book haha. finally got to watch 'the holiday' which is so saccharinely sweet, it's so unrealistic. but fills you up like hot choc and marshmallows. heh. 'across the universe' has a middle bit which is psychedelic high-on-drugs strange. jim sturgess is so good-looking tho. 'step up 2' has the coolest dance at the end...the choreography is amazing. 'the prestige' has the coolest plot...the twist at the end, wow. and the portrayal of the illogical obsessions of man.
4. haven't done as much reading as i'd have liked...but anyway, 'the kite runner' is brilliant. i normally despise these epic lifetime stories but this one is so engaging and so real. i must admit, i don't like 'the alchemist'. it's too philosophical. dad likes it apparently. read some christian books as well - 'passion and purity', 'i kissed dating goodbye'. interesting perspectives on relationships. 'the curious incident of the dog in the night-time' (i think i got the title right) is brilliant. written from the POV of an autistic boy, it not only serves to show how an autistic mind works but also ruthlessly breaks down everyday life and people and lays them bare so we can see really how silly we all are sometimes. am in the middle of 'promise me' by harlan coben at the moment.
5. met up with tons of people this time. k maybe not that many but more than usual. fellow edinburghians decided to come in throngs this holiday so i met hianliang, choee, meryl, even jeffer! gasp. local people - met up with the pm3 gang twice, and then with the girls for dinner just last week. spent like 3.5 hours on the phone with evelyn. heh some things just don't change. been faithfully seeing liyenn in church and cell as well.
feels so sad to think that the hols are coming to an end. my last long long summer hols. sigh. best make the most of it.
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| Passion Kuala Lumpur |
[04 Aug 2008|11:28am] |
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mood |
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 excited |
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music |
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Sing Sing Sing - Chris Tomlin |
] |
went for the passion conference KL last night at sunway convention centre...it. was. amazing. i don't think words can justify the atmosphere, the love for God and His presence in that place last night...i've never been in the same room with so many people all on fire and overflowing with passion for God. all you malaysians who weren't there, you really really have no idea what you missed.
( sing sing siiinggg... )
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| pigging out at home |
[29 Jul 2008|09:41am] |
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mood |
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content |
] |
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music |
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You'll Come - Hillsong |
] |
so it's been a blissful 1st week at home. what have i been up to? sleeping mostly. like 10-12 hours a day. i honestly have no idea why. i blame it on good old jetlag. although yeah it HAS been one week. and i've been eating...a lot. my mum now reminds me every time she sees me that i'm fat. i'm just thankful she's working so she doesn't talk about it all day. what happened to mothers being sensitive etc etc? *minor rant.
anyway, i have also finished watching house season 2. the finale was weird. but yeah, now sy and i are going to watch season 4. (if anyone thinks i can't count, i watched season 3 in dec last year) heheh it's right up there on our list of 'things we do together', along with badminton on the porch, which we're going to do today. yay. and hy owes me dark knight and swensen's as is tradition.
as for things which i've actually done outside home, met up with pm3-ians twice already, wow achievement. first was at pyramid, just basically hung out in kim gary and talked and joked, and then migrated to ole ole bali where we proceeded to take lots and lots of photos. some things just don't change. second was last night dinner at teluk gong. at 9pm becuz of guys who can't be punctual if their lives depended on it.
went for taylor's charity concert on fri night. the pianist was super impressive. variations of happy birthday, honestly. and poor rockers who couldn't work up the crowd. they were actually quite good. the sound system was stupid tho cuz the music was just too loud and the singer's voice drowned out by the instruments. not that he was actually singing anything good la, i suppose. the bassist was cute tho. heh. and the smk seafield brass band was not bad, altho someone somewhere was out of tune so it sounded abit funny.
went to evangelical free church on sunday with cheewei and his uncle/aunt/yao yeng leng chai cousins. i'm really really not used to long sermons man. haha. and huge churches. and dumc is bigger still. wow. will probably follow liyenn to glad tidings this sun. and passion concert on sun!! =)
anyway, i think i'm falling sick. have a sore throat. sheesh. malaysian bugs. among the pesky things i don't like about being home. along with mosquitoes and not being able to go anywhere without having first to figure out transport. the heat, i don't mind. i quite like it actually. it's a change.
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| homehomehome |
[22 Jul 2008|01:02pm] |
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flying home in a few hours!! =) heeee.
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| 1.5 weeks of work |
[04 Jun 2008|10:43am] |
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mood |
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excited |
] |
i've been in the lab for 1.5 weeks now. first few days were absolutely tiring and migraine-inducing...just cuz everything is new and i canNOT remember all the procedures, protocol, volumes, etc...plus have never used equipment like micropipettes before; in fact don't even know what some of the things are called...but i'm learning bit by bit...haha....AND i kept on getting lost in the building cuz of my pathetic sense of direction and the fact that the corridors all look the same. but i've been slowly improving on that front.
if anyone's curious, i'm only doing tissue culture and luminometer assays so it's actually no big deal. i'm just making a fuss out of nothing. hopefully by the end of 8 weeks, i'll be able to confidently do everything. from memory. haha. there's a lot of waiting around tho...like waiting 2 hours for my medium to thaw, waiting for cells to incubate etc. but i guess it's better than having 10 million things to do at once. and at least my schedule is not as crazy as jo's or as slack as cho ee's. hahaha.
supervisor, maggie, is really really nice. altho she was a bit annoyed at me the first day cuz i was just so slow and clumsy, and i made her late for her meeting by like 30 mins. heheh. BUT she apologised after that and said i was actually quite good considering it's my first time! hahaha how nice is that. and she trusts me too much, i think. she just shows me once and watches me do it for awhile and then leaves me to my own devices. i don't quite mind cuz then i can do everything at my own snail pace and without the pressure of someone looking over my shoulder. altho obviously, if i make a mistake, then no one can tell me.
maggie's PhD student, peng, is really really nice as well. reminds me of hiro from heroes! hahaha. and there's a guy working here as well who reminds me of hugh grant. and i've been seeing him 3 mornings in a row. so yeap, all's good. heheheh.
what other things have been happening? on the home front, matthew and james have successfully shifted their stuff after like 3-4 days of hard work. matt's room is a bomb site, james' smells like football shoes cuz he's drying them. thankfully the weather's nice enough to open the windows so it's not so bad. my living room has been transformed into a warehouse for stuff from joe, adrian, kenny, xinyi, nick and apparently, shiying may move stuff in as well. so yeap, going to be quite crowded. tammy's probably going to have to take her piano back cuz there's no space!! which is quite sad, cuz i liked having the piano arnd for the past half a year.
kitchen now has tv and ps2 hehehhe...altho haven't really tried it out yet. was going to yesterday but was distracted by more outdoorsy activities. like going over to vivien's to help her study (aka kacau her) and invading julian chan's flat and watching sex and the city with mitchel...hahah. was supposed to watch ironman but only gold class show left, so we decided against it.
been forcing myself to gym after work no matter how tired i feel...NEED TO WATCH WEIGHT. hahah plus chocolate seems to come to me like no one's business. just as i thought i'd finished what william bought from easter and kenny+xinyi's from oban...matt comes along with a bag of goodies for me...=.= hahha and obviously how does a girl resist chocolate?
right. i'm off to go passage cells now...hopefully can finish before lunch then go gym then go home! =P
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| another poem... |
[28 May 2008|10:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
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contemplative |
] |
can you tell i'm bored at work? hahahah. anyway, korkor sent this to me in an e-mail and i think it's a beautiful poem with a much better job description for husband than my own self-penned criteria. =P it was apparently written by a teenage girl called ruth bell...and guess what? she went on to marry billy graham! =)
“Dear God,” I prayed, all unafraid,
(As girls are apt to be,)
“I do not want a handsome man,
But let him be like Thee.
“I do not need one big and strong
Nor one so very tall
Nor need he be some genius
Or wealthy, Lord, at all.
“But let his head be high, dear God,
And let his eye be clear,
His shoulders straight, whate’er his state,
Whate’er his earthly sphere.
“And let his face have character
A ruggedness of soul
And let his whole life show, dear God,
A singleness of goal.
“And when he comes, as he will come
With quiet eyes aglow,
I’ll understand that he’s the man
I prayed for long ago.”
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| the art of science |
[26 May 2008|01:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 impressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Qi Xian - Guang Liang |
] |
found this in the PhD thesis my supervisor asked me to have a look at...and was more taken by it than the rest of the book. hahaha. it's just such an artistic portrayal of science, i love it.
Thy codons are as poetry
As writ by greatest Pen
In base sequential mysteries
Which chromatins defend.
Two sugar phosphate helices
Pyramidines between
With purines neatly organised
Enumerate each gene.
- Barbara S. Giesser
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